Take it out on the cucumber

I remember the shame, the red creeping from my ears to my cheeks, burning hot. I tried to cover them with my shirt, but inevitably the tag would show—my Rider jeans from Ames department store (a company that went bankrupt in 2002 and perhaps lower on the totem pole than Walmart). Back then, I had two dings against me in the struggle to fit in. I was Chinese and my family was poor. I wanted nothing more than to wear Gap jeans and speak to my mom in English. Instead, I had government-subsidized hot lunches at school and weird Chinese food in my fridge when friends came over. Kids can be cruel. 

As I got older, I began to understand the sacrifices my parents made. I became fiercely proud of my heritage. I wear my childhood poverty like a badge of honor, because it gives me perspective and humility in my post-MBA life. White Boyfriend and I disagreed once whether to vote on funding for public libraries on the ballot. I spent so much time at the library when I was a kid, checking out twenty-some books at once and escaping into fantasy worlds where my race and socioeconomic status didn't define me. White Boyfriend and I had gotten in a heated argument. He said I voted with my emotions. How could I not?

My face had burned so red so often because of where I came from. Now it's time to cool down with this most traditional and humble Smashed Cucumber Salad | 凉拌拍黄瓜, perfect for a hot summer day. There are only two fresh ingredients needed for this dish—and one super Asian knife. You can get away without the knife obviously, but having the broad side of it is great for smashing the shit out of your cucumbers and garlic.

Smash away the embarrassment when they said you always wear the same clothes. Smash up the memories of being made fun of for pronouncing "three" wrong. Smash through all the confusion trying to straddle and navigate two cultures as a seven-year-old. 

When you've gotten that out of your system, chop up the garlic finely and the cucumber into bite-size pieces. Why the smashing in the first place? Mama always told me it brings out the flavor of the garlic and releases the seeds from the cucumber. 

Combine with the rest of the ingredients—vinegar, soy sauce, sesame oil, fried chili oil, salt, and sugar. Enjoy with White Boyfriend as he tries to convince you his childhood was just as hard as yours. But let's be honest, the name "White" and "Boyfriend" ain't helping his case.

For the straight-up Smashed Cucumber Salad recipe, click here.